


a means to an end

by gaydelrey



Category: The Haunting of Bly Manor (TV)
Genre: 1980's London, AU, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe, Drug Addiction, Drug Dealing, Drugs, F/F, Illegal Activities, Lesbianism, Minor Violence, Multi, Pre-Canon, Recovery, jamie owen and hannah are roommates, they love and support each other very much
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-12 18:42:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28515129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gaydelrey/pseuds/gaydelrey
Summary: AU based on Jamie’s life in London prior to Bly.Dani Clayton, fresh out of collage, moves to England looking for a new start, desperate to leave the past and its demons behind.At a busy pub she meets a brown-haired girl with an alluring smirk, high as a kite with a questionable offer.Title from Joy Division's 1980 song
Relationships: Dani Clayton/Jamie, Hannah Grose/Owen Sharma, Jamie & Owen Sharma
Comments: 6
Kudos: 20





	1. never had no one ever

Dani had always known what she wanted, whether she’d known how to get it was something else. She knew she could not love her boyfriend the way he wished and she knew that wouldn’t change, she had tried, hard.

She did not want to be stuck in this sad relationship with Edmund, who she just couldn’t love, no matter how long she had tried. At first she thought the attraction would come with time, but she quickly learned that wasn’t the case. She now knew she wanted a life without him.

Telling him that was the hard part. It’s not easy breaking the heart of the only person who loves you more than anything in the world. It’s not easy to come up with words for your feelings. It’s not easy telling the truth and it’s not any easier to lie.

Knowing what she wanted was easy, actually doing something about it was hard. Caring too much about other people was definitely a flaw of hers, she’d always put others before herself. If she’d been on a sinking ship she’d probably help every single passenger get to safety before she stayed with the ship, not wanting it to go down in the darkness alone, reassuring it that all was going to be okay.

Dani wanted change, wanted to get as far away from her hometown as possible and that’s how she found herself in London. A new full of new people and big opportunities. She left the sinking ship in a little rowing boat on her way to discover a new world.

It wasn’t exactly like money had been a problem of hers growing up, but her wallet definitely wasn’t overflowing with it either and finding a flat wasn’t as easy as she had initially thought. A small inn had to do in the meantime. After all, Rome wasn’t built in a day.

With all of her belongings cramped in to a suitcase and a backpack, she’d started her new life. Turns out, jobs weren’t very easy to come upon either. She’d checked newspapers, asked people all around town; sales clerks, tea-drinkers, bartenders and still she could find nothing.

Besides knowing what she wanted, Dani was also determined, there was no way in hell she would give up on the job search. She’d keep searching until she found something, not because she wanted to prove her mother wrong, but because she wanted to start over. She wanted a new beginning and that’s exactly what she was set on getting here, she was slowly but surely going to build herself a new life.

A new life that she wished would lack in prejudice from acquaintances, pressure from mothers and pleas from exes. 

Proud of herself for managing, she didn’t need a better reason to feel good about herself, she went for a celebratory drink at a pub close to where she was temporarily residing. Alright, maybe she just really felt like having a drink, but that was okay considering the circumstances.

It took her quite a while before heading out and she stepped her foot inside The Lion’s Arms no sooner than ten in the evening. The place was packed and some band with distorted guitars was playing on a slightly raised platform in the back.

It was loud inside, both from the music playing and the people talking or yelling, whatever you’d call it, some even tried to sing along to songs Dani was positive they’d never even heard before. She was almost surprised when the barkeep heard her order and managed to get her the correct drink.

She’d fought bravely these last couple days, not giving up and always getting back on her feet whenever she took a blow. The sword through her stomach that was the setback of failing to find a job was making it all harder, however. She was thankful the drink in her hand helped her relieve the pain of the blood gushing wound.

Over by the stage, a tall man was throwing up a shorter woman on his shoulders, staying there successfully for about half a second before falling off, sending them both tumbling down. The singer cheered loudly in the microphone and laughed.  
The tall, dark haired man flew up and started jumping to the music, while the woman probably still laid on the floor.

Dani took her drink and stood up, making her way towards the backdoor, she could do with a bit of air. On the other side of the door, she still could hear the thumping of the music inside. She didn’t feel at home in this big city yet, but she hoped that would change soon. 

There was a certain charm about London, she could definitely see potential there, she reckoned she could stay here for the rest of her life. There was a certain charm about the brick houses, the people yelling in pubs late at night, the street lights shining their light onto the people who walk beneath them.

She wished the light would shine onto her as well, showing her where to step and which path to take. She needed some guidance, only possible by some higher power. Dani wasn’t exactly religious, although raised in a christian household, but sometimes she wished there was a god, that there was someone who could help her in times of need.

If she was lucky, maybe a genie would appear and grant her three wishes, that would certainly be helpful. Maybe it was time for Dani to go rub old lamps. 

She took a pack of cigarettes out of her pocket and put one between her lips. She rarely smoked, but felt like this was a good time to do so, that’s just how you did it in London, she had noticed. She lit it and took a deep breath, inhaling burning smoke into her lungs.

The door was pushed open with force and a woman came stumbling out, she looked like she had had a bit too much to drink. She clumsily sat down on the ground, ripped overalls revealing bruised knees. Brown curls covered her face as her head hung down. Dani noticed also her knuckles were bruised as the woman reached into her jacket, seemingly looking for something.

The woman quickly looked up at her from where she sat and Dani hastily turned her head, embarrassed having been caught staring. She figured she didn’t want to get in any trouble with the bruised-knuckle-woman.

”You’ve got a light?” A raspy voice came from below.

Dani looked back at her, too dark outside to make out any features in her face.

”Yeah.” Dani replied queasily and extended her arm to offer the lighter.

”Thanks.” She lit her cigarette with ease and tossed the lighter back to Dani. 

Dani had only smoked half of hers, but decided it would be best to walk back in. She went to return to her spot by the bar and called for another drink. It was time for the American to loosen up and enjoy herself. She waited for her margarita and stepped out amongst the crowd, steady grip around the glass.

She didn’t know what the current song was about, she couldn’t really hear all of the words. Most of the song was just the singer and the guitarist screaming, breathless. But that didn’t really matter, she just had to move with the beat and a few people even joined her, grabbing her arm and spinning her around while simultaneously jumping.

The girl from outside was at the front of the crowd, looking up at the stage, yelling possibly made up words. By pure chance, the girl turned her head and met Dani’s eyes. In the red and blue lights from the ceiling, Dani got a decent look at her. She had smudged mascara all around her eyes, it was hard to tell her eye colour midst all that darkness.

She had a pointed nose and the sharpest jawline Dani had seen in all of England. Her messy locks fell down her forehead and she had to continuously brush them away. A dangerous smirk was plastered on her pink lips. 

She didn’t look scary at all, only intimidating due to the fact that she was hot, like really hot and hot women had a certain effect on Dani.

The lights started flashing faster and Dani suddenly felt uncomfortably warm, which wasn’t that strange really, since she’d been jumping along to an album’s worth of songs. She pushed her way through the crowd and asked the bartender for a water back at the bar.

She downed it before heading to the bathroom. Some poor girl was heaved over the toilet, door open and throwing up everything she’d eaten or drunken for the last month. Dani walked over to one of the sinks and started reapplying her lipgloss in the mirror, it had left her lips to go stick to about seven different glasses instead.

She washed her hands to get rid of whatever sticky alcohol someone had spilt on her out on the dance floor. Behind her was the curly haired woman from before, leaning against the wall for stability, arms crossed.

”Hi.” Dani said and turned around to look at her.

No wonder Dani couldn’t tell her eye colour before, the other woman’s pupils were blown wide, showing almost nothing but black. She still had that same smirk.

”So what can I get you?” She asked in a hushed voice, like they were sharing secrets.

”What?” Dani wondered, mirroring the same hushed tone.

”I saw the way you looked at me.” The brunette slightly slurred. ”I’ve got a whole arsenal in here, what do you want?” She showed off the inside of her open jacket and patted a pocket. ”Got some mean E on me, or maybe you want a joint?”

”Uhm.. I-” Dani stuttered. 

She’d never done drugs. She knew of a few people who had smoked weed in college, but she’d always stuck to drinking. Cannabis was supposed to kill your braincells, she had heard.

”I thought weed was what you yanks fancied the most.” The brunette cocked her head, but it was more of a statement than a question.

Dani opened and closed her mouth a couple of times before managing to come up with an answer. When she left everything behind to start a new life in London, this wasn’t what she had expected. She had not expected to have a whisper-conversation with some enticing drug dealer in the ladies’ room of some pub.

”I’ve never taken anything before.” Dani breathed. The brunette chuckled to herself.

”Well, it’s about time you try then. I’ll give you half off, as a… you know,” the other woman took a wrong step and almost fell. ”welcome to England gift.” She nodded once. ”You should know the ride my E takes you on, fucking euphoric.” A laugh left her lips, but soon turned into a cough and she looked disoriented.

”I’m good, thank you.” Dani said. 

”You don’t know what you’re missing, mate.” She went to lay a hand on Dani’s arm, but missed and tripped into the sink. She burst into a fit of laughter and slid down to the floor.

”Fuck.” She said from the stained, white tiles. ”You want to help me up and get a drink, then?” The English woman asked and reached out her hand.

Dani took her hand and helped her up without even thinking.

”What do you say, blondie?” She smirked with half of her mouth.

A drink couldn’t hurt, Dani would probably order another anyways. Plus, it could be nice with some company, she wasn’t exactly picky when it came to drinking buddies. The brunette waited for an answer, still holding onto Dani’s hand, her grip was strong, but her hand soft.

”Yeah, let’s go.” Dani laughed. 

She was immediately dragged out of the bathroom.

”Oi!” The woman yelled halfway out the door. ”Get me a round of shots!”

There was no way the bartender had heard her. When they had reached the bar, she glared expectantly at the poor guy making drinks for someone else. She only let go of Dani’s hand when a tall man with a mustache called out. 

”Jamie! Where the fuck did you go?” He took a step closer to the women.

”Headed to the loo for a bit and now I’m getting this one a drink.” Jamie, the brunette, said and gestured towards Dani.

”Don’t think so. We need to get you home.” The tall man said and crossed his arms.

”Owen, wait, just one more drink.” Jamie said and rested her head on the countertop, closing her eyes.

”Can you tell me her name, eh?” He asked, looking down on the half passed out woman.

”Sure! It’s…” She started, eyes still closed. ”It’s.. eh, you know…” She drifted off.

”Yeah, that’s what I thought, come here then.” Owen with the mustache said while wrapping an arm around her.

”It’s Dani.” Dani chimed in.

”Dani!” Jamie exclaimed, eyes now open. 

”Well, nice to meet you, Dani.” Owen said as he dragged Jamie to her feet. ”But we have to go now.” He threw her limp body over his shoulder, getting no resistance whatsoever.

”Bye, Dani.” Jamie mumbled, no one hearing her.


	2. strange but not a stranger

There was no way in hell Jamie would get up before the sun, unless she never went to sleep, that is. As a kid she was always the first in the family to wake up. She liked the serenity of being the only one awake, being able to roam around without being bothered by anyone else.

But she didn’t like to reflect about her childhood, some things were better off forgotten. 

She still liked to be alone, away from everyone else, but it wasn’t worth sacrificing her sleep for it. Jamie woke up when her body deemed it time, which usually wasn’t before 12.

”Morning sunshine.” Owen said from the kitchen, as Jamie walked in, feeling like everything but sunshine. The greeting was met with a tired grunt.

Jamie was thankful she didn’t live alone, it would be too much responsibility and too many chores. Having Owen, a semi-professional chef, as a roommate was truly a blessing. If it weren’t for him, Jamie was certain she’d starve, she wasn’t allowed to use the cooker after what was named ”the egg incident”. 

But she really was grateful for her flatmates, she needed people in her life who had their shit together, and they mostly did, Hannah at least.

Hannah was only a few years older than Jamie, but she seemed incredibly wise. She had held Jamie’s hand and guided her through the dark forests full of vicious creatures. They were not quite out of the woods yet, but Jamie felt safe.

Hannah knew the rough path by heart. She knew the ups and downs, hills and valleys. And was all too familiar with what would happen if a root caught your foot and you fell over. She had been walking the path all alone for a very long time.

When she met Owen, she didn’t have to walk alone anymore, he kept her company. She reached the end of the path quickly and waited for him to join her. He was close now, much closer than he had ever been before.

From time to time, she’d walk back to help him find the way and one day she came upon Jamie, struggling, lost in the dark.

Hannah had been sober only for a couple of weeks when Jamie met her, but Jamie knew right away she wouldn’t stop fighting. She was a very strong woman and Jamie was lucky to have her around.

”How are you feeling, love?” Hannah asked, caring.

She was sitting crosslegged by the kitchen table, newspaper in hand. Despite her being the most well kept person Jamie knew, she struggled with work. She currently worked shifts, day and night, as a maid, but that wasn’t exactly where her ambition laid.

”Normal.” Jamie replied. Normal wasn’t good, it wasn’t okay either, it just was what it was.

”You blacked out completely before I even got you up the bloody stairs.” Owen shook his head and smiled. ”A regular Jamie Taylor Thursday, really.”

”You’ve got crumbs in your mustache.” The younger woman said and moved towards the fridge. ”We’re out of juice.” She noticed.

”Indeed.” Hannah replied, folding her newspaper in half. ”Owen’s driving me to work in five, will you be a dear and run down to the store?” She looked at Jamie sweetly.

Jamie didn’t like telling Hannah no, she had done too much for her, Jamie owed her her life.

”Great. I’ve got a short list of things I need you to grab for me.” Owen reached into his pocket.

Him, however, it was easier to tell no. To Jamie, he was more like an annoying brother than anything else. She loved him, she truly did, but she also liked fucking with him and giving him a hard time.

”Oh, wonderful.” Jamie uttered, sarcastically.

”Thank you, Jamie.” Hannah softly spoke. ”A bit of air will do you good. Now drink some water.”

They all cared for each other like family. Hannah and Owen were the only family Jamie had and she was fine with that, she didn’t want anyone else. Hannah always reminded them to take care of themselves and not forget things such as eating and sleeping. 

’Tea and a cigarette is not breakfast, dear.’ She had told Jamie on more than one occasion. Owen was happy to cook for them, knowing what held nutrients and remembering to always serve plenty of greens.

Jamie was a bit of a mess, she knew that. She knew that her flatmates were taking care of her and that she was taking more than she gave. She wanted to help them out too, but didn’t have a lot to offer. 

If not under the influence, she’d offer to drive them places or run for errands. Although she really didn’t feel like grocery shopping today, she knew she owed it to them.

”Think I need to take a shower first, I’ll be off after that.” Jamie decided and nodded before dragging herself to the bathroom.

The local Sainsbury’s shop was only a short walk from the flat, but it was a boring one. Same route every time, same houses, same shops along the way and the same people sitting behind the register. 

She liked it better than the town she grew up, though. She used to live in a small town outside of Sheffield, before being sent off to various foster homes around in the north and midlands.

Her father had been a miner, so they lived in a town were most men worked in the mines. It was a dark and dismal place, coal dust flying around, coating everything, draining the life out of everything it touched. 

Jamie took out a silver cigarette case from her inner pocket and took out a slim joint. She put it between her lips and lit it, playing with the lighter in her hand. She made it all the way to the storefront before she had to put it out.

She quickly looked over the crumpled list of things Owen had asked her to get, but then decided to focus on something more important - a work emergency.

She was in need for a new food scale, hers broke and she’d borrowed Owen’s. Hannah hadn’t been to happy finding Jamie in the kitchen, weighing nugs of weed and putting them in small plastic bags. She had just shrugged and promised to get a new one.

Another priority high on her list, that Owen would also be thankful for, was two boxes of lager bottles. She figured she’d throw in an extra bottle of gin, just in case they needed one.

She pushed the trolley back to the greens section after little voice in the back of her head screamed for vegetables, it sounded an awful lot like her mustache-clad friend.

”Jamie?” Another voice, this time from the outside, spoke. Jamie turned around.

Behind her was a blonde woman, about her age, she’d say. Her eyes were a light blue and on her lips was a nervous smile plastered. An American, she could hear by the way she said her name. She was pretty, maybe a bit too pretty and Jamie was confused over how she knew her. 

Worst case scenario, she was some lass Jamie had left a morning, moving on to a walk of shame, not bothering to give her a phone call. Best case scenario? A happy customer.

”Sorry, do I know you?” Jamie asked with a furrow of her brows.

”Um, Dani.” The pretty American started. ”We met briefly last night.”

Jamie had no idea what she was talking about, although she was sure she’d remember her if they had met.

”You asked me if I had a light.” This time it was Dani’s turn to furrow her brows. She bit her bottom lip.

”Don’t recall.” Jamie cocked her head before shaking it gently. ”Sharing lights with Americans? Doesn’t quite sound like me, blondie.” She gave the other woman a slight smirk.

”That’s a shame, I believe you own me a drink.” Dani smiled in return, hands clenched at her sides.

”Now that sounds like me.” The brunette chortled. ”Dani, did you say?”

”Yeah.” The American replied with a toothy grin.

”Mate of mine’s having a bit of a party later today, actually.” She stuffed her hands in her pocket, tilting her head back somewhat. ”What’s your address? I could come pick you up later.”

”I’m staying at this place called, uh, the Lamb’s Inn.” Dani nodded quick small nods.

”Right. Reckon that’s up on High Street.” Jamie confirmed. ”See you at nine?”

”Yeah.” Dani chuckled nervously. ”Yeah that sounds great.” She nodded again.

”See you later, then, blondie.” Jamie said one last time before making her way to the register.

She didn’t steal the shopping trolley she pushed around a corner by her flat, when she was sure no now looked, she just borrowed it, she was sure it’d make it’s way back to the store somehow. Borrowing things had become a habit of hers, whether it was Hannah’s soft slippers or Owen’s cigarettes.

She wasn’t all that good at giving them back every time. She would work on it, she said.

Owen was still away, probably on his way back, so Jamie had the flat for herself briefly. She took the opportunity to put on a The Cure record and turn the volume up. She sang to herself as she packed up the groceries and popped open a bottle of lager.

It didn’t have to be 5 o’clock for just a lager, not that she usually cared about that so called ’rule’.

The flat showed the personalities of all three residents. Owen had his cooking books stocked neatly on the shelfs, both in the kitchen and living room. He worked at a small fish’n’chips joint, mostly serving drunk people late at night. He could do so much more than that, though.

He was an only child and had cooked much with his mother when he still lived at home and as he got older, he started cooking for her. He served her three meals a day, always different and creative. He had started collecting cooking books from second hand shops when he moved. 

He found them to be cheaper, but also more interesting than new ones. The previous owners usually scribbled in them, leaving small pointers on how to make the dishes better. His favourite one was a book on French food.

To some time travel to Paris, was Hannah’s big dream. She and Owen joked about opening a crêpes joint in Paris, leveling up a step from their current situation. Owen would cook and Hannah would clean, but she believed Owen could do better than that.

Much of the décor was inspired by French culture, thanks to Hannah. They had a couple of glasses from some French brand, probably fancy, Jamie didn’t really know. If it was French, it probably was.

Half of the pictures on the walls were of French streets, cafés and landmarks. The other half were scratched records and band posters, provided by Jamie. She had hung the Union Jack on the wall next to her bedroom door the day she moved in, paying homage to the punk inside of her.

She once accidentally lit it on fire, putting a burning candle under it.

If it weren’t for Hannah, the whole place would be a mess. She was the only one to care about cleaning and tidying up, she had the flat looking spotless at all times, except for two rooms, Owen’s and Jamie’s.

Jamie spent most of the afternoon in one of those cluttered rooms, wondering why some American lass claimed to know her. She didn’t complain, though, she took all the opportunities thrown at her to get a drink. They were more like excuses than opportunities, but Jamie didn’t see it that way.

Most of the time, Jamie was falling, she wasn’t sure when she had started, but she knew she didn’t want it to end. It wasn’t scary, falling, it was actually quite comforting. What was scary, however, was knowing that sooner or later she’d hit the ground.

She’d been on the ground quite a lot. It was dark and cold and everything hurt from the impact of the fall from when she finally hit the floor of the dark pit. She’d do anything to stay away from it at any time.

Falling, was a lot like flying, except you didn’t decide the direction you were going in. It was just falling, for hours and hours on end, until things started to clear up and you became aware of how close the ground was getting. 

It had started on special occasions such as parties or concerts. Parties turned to small gatherings, that turned to weekends, that turned to evenings, that turned to days. The time she spent on the ground, was for getting ready to fall again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title from talking heads' 1983 song 'burning down the house'


End file.
